im full of shit. really.
I never had this desire to die so strongly before.
2 comments | Leave a comment
Melon Cupcakes
Those actually taste really good!
05 October 2008 @ 02:25 pm
Last frriday, my dad wanted to make me moreee sushi. And so I did. BUT THEY DIDN'T FINISH IT AND THERE' STI
( I think I made 8 rolls O_O )
Why am I not doing my HW T__T/
04 October 2008 @ 08:41 pm
...
I really hate my depression.
It's not me, yet
It's affecting people I love.
I hate it......
I can't stop it....
I don't like thinking this way-- Anyday.
I just want to stop thinking already.................
I really hate my depression.
It's not me, yet
It's affecting people I love.
I hate it......
I can't stop it....
I don't like thinking this way-- Anyday.
I just want to stop thinking already.................
02 October 2008 @ 10:11 pm
You expect me to have 10 working bibliography, alphabetically, with credibility, AND WITH FRIGGIN ANNOTATIONS!?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
DID YOU REALLY THINK I HAD TIME TO DO AL
LADY, I'VE BEEN SICK. YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK AS IF I WAS SUPPOS
SERIOUSLY. *OVERTURNS THE TABLE*
AS IF I FELT OKAY, BEFORE I WAS HOSPITALIZED.
HAHAHAHAH THATS FUNNY. I WISH.
IT'S FUNNY THAT I WAS HOSPITALIZED BEFOR
CRAZY WOMAN.
*EDIT*
WELL YA KNOW WHAT,. I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU 5. SO HA. *PRINTS*
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
DID YOU REALLY THINK I HAD TIME TO DO AL
LADY, I'VE BEEN SICK. YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK AS IF I WAS SUPPOS
SERIOUSLY. *OVERTURNS THE TABLE*
AS IF I FELT OKAY, BEFORE I WAS HOSPITALIZED.
HAHAHAHAH THATS FUNNY. I WISH.
IT'S FUNNY THAT I WAS HOSPITALIZED BEFOR
CRAZY WOMAN.
*EDIT*
WELL YA KNOW WHAT,. I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU 5. SO HA. *PRINTS*
02 October 2008 @ 06:32 pm
I feel so fortunate that I, a person who doesn't own a DS, haven't given into the pressure of owning a gift-from-god DS-- Oh wait, it's the WIi :D
I watched the news today, and they said that the new NINTENDO DSi will be released in japan November 1st *Q* KHOA, PREORDER FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEE.
02 October 2008 @ 03:58 pm
Today was awsome!!! Except for the fact I had to get up-- But other than that, today was a greattttttttttttt(er) dayyy
Because I got to bond more with my friends TwT;;;;It felt nice!
My friend nick named B was late in my Argumentation class today, and I was glad she was okay because she had this horrible allergic reaction (whom god knows what), and had to go to the hospital so she missed school yesterday.... And the chance to taste my awsomeful sushi DDDD:
But she was back today, I was so happyyyyy! She had a new schedule, and I looked at it-- And it said that she has Piano 3rd period of next semester. I knew that I had American studies that hour, but she said she'll change it to 2nd hour (our Argumentation class, which only lasts for a semester,) so we can go to the same Piano class togetttttttttttherrrrrrrrrrrr xDDDDDDDDdd;; I was so happy happyyy! I told her that I would make her cheesecake this weekend as her recovery gift ;w;
Next hour, which is my American Studies class, we had to ansdwer our study guides from the book-- my other friend Lea, didn't have hers so I offered to share mine. We talked as we did the study guide, and i felt closer to her than ever xDDDD;;;
During lunch, I was being pointed at with one of those... Red light dot thingies... You know, in TV the CIA would use it to the perpetrator... To target them? Well these stupid freshmen, thought it was funnyt and cool to point at at me. So I was getting angry. Before I stood up, B's older brother, which I forgot the name of (SORRY B OTL), knew the situation and asked if he can go 'talk' to the freshmen for me. I said sure, but I really wanted to get up and pour my water bottle at them, but I know I'd get introuble D:. In the end he didn't need to, because the freshmen stopped. LOL D: It was still nice though. He's really nice ;D;
;___; I'm so touched todayyy.... I'm going make them all cheesecakes.
01 October 2008 @ 04:33 pm
So my American Studies teacher told me that "This is taking too long, you need to catch up," With 'the look'-- Wide, sharp eyes. And I felt angry. She was the one who suggested I go for the 504 plan. She suggested my to go to my counselor. She said that she wasn't mad and it was okay. I thought she UNDERSTOOD me. Better than all my other teachers. I liked her, and I didn't feel pressured, I felt assured.
But that was past tense. It might just be because she's stressed and overwhelmed, and that she has alot of kids to worry about. However, that didn't stop me from being upset. She's been doing that since I arrived from the hospital.
I had a biography due today. And I didn't turn one in because I was absent... I only managed to turn in the topic essay I had to do for the term paper,. I wasn't allowed to work on homework at the hospital. I was having a hard time. And you expect me to finish that when you know that I'm having problems. I have ALOT to make up, please understand that.
( COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS-2 )
I'm going to visit my counselor tomorrow to discuss the issue. I told my dad about it, and he said that she wasn't allowed to do that.
I just hope these angry feelings will soon be forgotten once I'm all catched up. And I hope next time she will treat me with respect and understanding.
In the meantime, I stole this quiz from Kurot: www.4degreez.com/misc/seven_deadly_sins.h
And here's what I got:
Well, I am power-hungry, according to Hime unfortunately, and I do have lots of pride. Lots of it. But where's my self confidence???
30 September 2008 @ 07:21 pm
I finally made sushi today~~~~~~~
After 2 days wait, because of hospital and homework delay, I was excited on the way home.
It's california roolllllllll, and my family said it tasted goooddddd . Even my grandmother, who didn't like sushi, ate alot ^///////^
On to the sushi!!!!
Firstly, we went to a asian grocery store named Tsai....
( Want some sushi??? )
After that batch, I had to make 8 more LOL. 3 batches are for my lunch tomorrow and the other 5 were eaten by the rest of the family. I had no more Nori left to make up for the left over avocado, crab meat, and cuumber D:
My hands are sticky, my tummy full-- Not out of shushi, but out of lasagna and a breadstick LOL D:
Okay, time to do homework T___T__TT_T_TT___TTT_T_T;;;
After 2 days wait, because of hospital and homework delay, I was excited on the way home.
It's california roolllllllll, and my family said it tasted goooddddd . Even my grandmother, who didn't like sushi, ate alot ^///////^
On to the sushi!!!!
Firstly, we went to a asian grocery store named Tsai....
( Want some sushi??? )
After that batch, I had to make 8 more LOL. 3 batches are for my lunch tomorrow and the other 5 were eaten by the rest of the family. I had no more Nori left to make up for the left over avocado, crab meat, and cuumber D:
My hands are sticky, my tummy full-- Not out of shushi, but out of lasagna and a breadstick LOL D:
Okay, time to do homework T___T__TT_T_TT___TTT_T_T;;;
28 September 2008 @ 07:31 pm
So the day went like this...... I woke up, watched my brother play Zelda again...
( I have more homework than you D: )</div>
SO MUCH. *EXPLODE*
( I have more homework than you D: )</div>
SO MUCH. *EXPLODE*
27 September 2008 @ 10:04 pm
(Just something i've learned during my days in the hospital, how to handle bad situations and what-not.)
Situation: I've been working on this vic-mon inspired peice, with a doodle-like lines. What's so special about this is.. It's the hardest pose and human quantity I've yet to have so far. I don't usually lineart peices, so this is another reason to be upset. I was planning to make this peice my greatest one yet, but OC froze and that was the end of it.
Advantages to be upset: 60%
-Feeling the loss of a rpoud piece might encourage me to do better
-Remind myself to make copies of important PSD's
-Maybe start on homework
-It's okay to feel a little upset, since I have been happy all day.
-Feel a little releif-- The pressure of having to finish the piece.
-To start anew.
Disadvantages to be upset: 40%
-Cripple self-confidence
-Feeling of loss
-Automative negative thoughts
-Feelings of self-hatred
Situation: I've been working on this vic-mon inspired peice, with a doodle-like lines. What's so special about this is.. It's the hardest pose and human quantity I've yet to have so far. I don't usually lineart peices, so this is another reason to be upset. I was planning to make this peice my greatest one yet, but OC froze and that was the end of it.
Advantages to be upset: 60%
-Feeling the loss of a rpoud piece might encourage me to do better
-Remind myself to make copies of important PSD's
-Maybe start on homework
-It's okay to feel a little upset, since I have been happy all day.
-Feel a little releif-- The pressure of having to finish the piece.
-To start anew.
Disadvantages to be upset: 40%
-Cripple self-confidence
-Feeling of loss
-Automative negative thoughts
-Feelings of self-hatred
27 September 2008 @ 06:34 pm
Annndddd we start the pictures taking thingyyyy. My therapist said that it's good to post pictures and tell some little story about them... Soon when I start making sushi, I'll be posting those on the eat_my_bento community and here too xDDD
Just trying to create something pleasurable ~~~~~!
( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )
On the other note, I have allottt of HW to make up T___________T;;;;
Just trying to create something pleasurable ~~~~~!
( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )( Piiikktures ahoy :O )
On the other note, I have allottt of HW to make up T___________T;;;;
Current Mood: 
creative
creative27 September 2008 @ 04:56 pm
You know,
I really
really
really
really
want a camera-- OH! I'll just kidnap daddy's.
I just feel like photographing my non existant belongings.
Posting Later~~~~.
I really
really
really
really
want a camera-- OH! I'll just kidnap daddy's.
I just feel like photographing my non existant belongings.
Posting Later~~~~.
06 September 2008 @ 03:25 pm
Somehow inspired by Kai, I'm proud that she seems to analyze herself now. Good job, Kai :)
I'm not very good at making long entries, incase you havent noticed...........
Okay.
HI, I'm Patsu.
Who am I exactly,? I was always scared, becasuse I can't seem to read myself. I'm not sure what I say through my words are really what I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm lying to myself., about many things. Sometimes I think my mind Is lying to me directly. It's so frustrating to think this way, especially when I'm having pschiatric problems. Am I really lying to myself? I can't admit that I'nm just one of those lowly people on this earht, hypocrital, judgemental, narrow-minded, and selfish. I really do admit I'm all of those. I want to feel good about myself, so instead, I lie as a solution-- Not that it is. I can't show this face-- I wnat to be DIFFERENT. Not like those typical....... Followers. I really wnat to be a LEADER, not a follower.
I wnat to know myself. I want to know what I'm thinking. I want to see how I'll do when I just be myself. I want to set goals for myself.
I hate cleaning, studying, going to school, being a nurse, doinng homework, stupid people, I hate dressing up, I hate putting on makeup, I hate smiling, I hate my classes.................FAKE.
FAKE.
FAKE
FAKE
FAKE
FAKE FEELINGS, FAKE WORDS, FAKE GOALS.
I AM
A
FAKE.
I HATE PRETENDING......
I'M NOT PATSU
I NEVER WAS.........................
I don't know who I am.
13 August 2008 @ 07:55 pm
My sister told me to wirite down all the happy things in my life, so when I'm down, I'll just read the list :D
( T_T/ )
It's so little... T_T; I'm more upset that I have so little...
Current Mood: 
bouncy
bouncy30 July 2008 @ 05:20 pm
Wahhhh it's here~
5th year summer camping with my family and parent's friends!
I can't wait to eat grilled food/swim/canoeing/jet-skiing/water rafttttttingggggggg and all other water related activities.
I don't fancy water/swimming, but I do love the JET-SKI ahahahaha
(I just want the food, though.)
So I'll be gone tomorrow, and I'll be back on the 5th of august xDDDD;;;
lalalalla so gidddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
----
About my last entry-- Sorry if I freaked you out xDDDDDDd;;;;;;;;;;;
But I'm getting myself fixed, next thrusday, wish me luck on that :)
So far, talking on MSN and speed painting seems to help xDDD;;
Actually, I don't know if my Blackrock Shooter speed paint will be done today because I'm suppose to pack-up right now xDDDD;; It's almost done but wahhh ;~; I guess it'll be done after camping...
See you all in 5 days v v v v w~
5th year summer camping with my family and parent's friends!
I can't wait to eat grilled food/swim/canoeing/jet-skiing/water rafttttttingggggggg and all other water related activities.
I don't fancy water/swimming, but I do love the JET-SKI ahahahaha
(I just want the food, though.)
So I'll be gone tomorrow, and I'll be back on the 5th of august xDDDD;;;
lalalalla so gidddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
----
About my last entry-- Sorry if I freaked you out xDDDDDDd;;;;;;;;;;;
But I'm getting myself fixed, next thrusday, wish me luck on that :)
So far, talking on MSN and speed painting seems to help xDDD;;
Actually, I don't know if my Blackrock Shooter speed paint will be done today because I'm suppose to pack-up right now xDDDD;; It's almost done but wahhh ;~; I guess it'll be done after camping...
See you all in 5 days v v v v w~
Current Mood: 
excited
excited27 July 2008 @ 10:00 pm
I'm here at Michigan now-- I used to live b ack at Illinois, but just for the school year. But I guess this time I'm really moving in with my dad here at michigan xDDD;;;; things have changed greatly since June. They were all pretty bad changes xDDDDDDDDDDddddd;;;; It's a bit hard to cope with ;-;
It's hard to explain but apparently I'm... Sick. You can decide for yourself on what it really means xD
In my opinion it's the worst kind of sickness-- It's eating me alive!!! xD
So I try to distract myself as much as possible, and if anyone wana help, please do ;_; I'll play games or fangirl or anything-- I Just can't play RO xDD!!!!
Someone save me!!!
On the side note, camping in 4 days-- I can't wait.
Till then, I'm trying my best.
v v v v v~~~ Wish me luck!
It's hard to explain but apparently I'm... Sick. You can decide for yourself on what it really means xD
In my opinion it's the worst kind of sickness-- It's eating me alive!!! xD
So I try to distract myself as much as possible, and if anyone wana help, please do ;_; I'll play games or fangirl or anything-- I Just can't play RO xDD!!!!
Someone save me!!!
On the side note, camping in 4 days-- I can't wait.
Till then, I'm trying my best.
v v v v v~~~ Wish me luck!
Current Mood: 
anxious
anxious25 July 2008 @ 11:46 am
how to log in LJ after you've had vista parental controls... -____-;;
I can't log-in into my account xDDDDDdd;;; except the post-right-away-button-but-doesn't-leave-m
So I can't edit entried, view locked entries from friends, or even visit the communities i'm in.. ANd other stuff that you can do once you're logged in.
D: D: D:
Current Mood: 
aggravated
aggravated08 July 2008 @ 07:49 am
MY SON IN ALTOR IS TOO HOT... TOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT....
...I feel really sick now so I wont post pictures now... ORZ
*COLLAPSES* xDDDDDDDDdddd;;;
...I feel really sick now so I wont post pictures now... ORZ
*COLLAPSES* xDDDDDDDDdddd;;;
Current Mood: 
refreshed
refreshed26 June 2008 @ 05:43 pm
500+ prints, 7 days, 95$, 2 table cloths, 2 displays, 2 people, 1 goal.
AX
I'm so tired, I wana cry.
AX
I'm so tired, I wana cry.
Current Mood: anxious
anxious